Reason To Write: A Holiday List

I started the Reason To Write series so that writers could give thanks for the experiences they’ve had and the people they’ve met through writing, and also expound upon the other aspects of the writerly life that make them happy. This week, I’d like to introduce the always-hilarious Ruth Pennebaker, blogger over at The Fabulous Geezersisters, and author of the forthcoming Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakthrough. Ruth decided to use this space to write up a holiday list of all the ways in which writing continues to enrich her life. So when it comes down to it? Perhaps writing is the biggest gift of all.

As always, shoot me an e-mail if you’d like to contribute to this series in the future.

1. I’m not religious and I don’t believe everything “happens for a reason.”  I think life is random and chaotic.  So when I write non-fiction (essays, columns, blog posts, articles), I think I’m trying to make sense of the world.

2. When I write fiction, I get to create my own raw materials and characters and events. So you could say that I have more control over the narrative. The trouble is, you still have to imagine a realistic world where bad things happen to good people and Republicans still won the last election. So you end up trying to make sense out of these events the same way you do with non-fiction. Maybe you have to cede control when you write and allow bad things to happen; otherwise, you would bore the hell out of readers, wouldn’t you?

3. When I was younger, I wrote because I had a talent for it and I wanted people to notice me and see my name in print.

4. Now that I’m older, I think I write for different reasons. It’s partly habit. It’s partly to leave something — my stories — behind. Maybe it’s just for my family or maybe it’s just for me.  Somehow, that’s enough.

5. I also write because I would have made a mediocre lawyer (I have a law degree; don’t ask me why) and a worse neurosurgeon.

6. Don’t get me wrong. Sometimes, I wish I’d had the talent to be a great lawyer or neurosurgeon. But I don’t. Sometimes I bitch like crazy that the talent I do have is so underappreciated and underpaid. But, at difficult times — say, when my father died in May — I find myself writing and deeply grateful I can write. It helps me. It allows me to express what I need to say. At times like that, I feel sorry for people who can’t write and make something — anything — out of their grief.

7. After 30 years of writing, I write because I love it, it often makes me happy, and I can’t imagine doing anything else or anything better with my life.

How To Throw An Event That Rocks The House

A Dramatic Reenactment of the Entrance to Word Nerd Networking

Last week, about 75 people crammed themselves into a small back room at the Galway Hooker for an event I’d planned with the fantabulous Marian Schembari.

Needless to say, I was shocked. It was my very first foray into event planning, and I had assumed we’d be lucky if even five people bought tickets.

But apparently, we had hit upon a real need amongst word nerdy types.

In the end, the event was a success. People raved to me about the great conversations they’d had, and the connections they’d made. They even asked me when the next event was taking place! (To which I began laughing maniacally because I was having a nervous breakdown… you’ll soon see why…)

Still — as I assume happens with most events of this sort — not everything went smoothly.

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Reason to Write: It Knocks Celebrities Off Their Pedestal

Jane Boursaw

Happily, Alisa’s post on her reason to write was so well-received that the pitches just started rolling in! I’m excited to present you with the next installment, from Jane Boursaw. Jane is a family entertainment writer specializing in movies, TV and celebrities. You can visit her at Film Gecko and Reel Life With Jane, and learn how to syndicate her family movie and TV columns in your own publication. Follow her on Twitter; become a friend on Facebook; or email her at jboursaw@charter.net. And if you want to write something for my Reason To Write series, contact me!

When Stephanie mentioned that she was starting a new column on Freelancedom called Reason to Write, a few things immediately sprang to mind for me. Sure, one of the main reasons I write is to get the scoop on what’s new and cool in the entertainment world and pass that along to my readers. But another reason I write involves knocking celebrities off their pedestals.

I don’t mean that in a bad way. Most of the celebrities I interview don’t even want to be put on a pedestal. They just want to do a great job with whatever project they’re working on. It’s our culture that puts them up on a pedestal, and I’ve not been immune to that way of thinking, especially living in the Midwest where I don’t encounter celebrities on a regular basis. You’d never see one shopping for toothpaste at Rite-Aid or sitting in the car next to you at the bank drive-through.

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Want To Work Remotely? How To Ask The Tough Questions

Not my pretty face, but the cleavage is similar...

About a year ago, I accepted an on-site, part-time position at YourTango, despite misgivings about resuming the dreaded NJ-NYC commute I had left behind several years before.

I was desperate, though. I needed some regular income to supplement the other work I was doing, and I was also badly in need of some quasi-regular human contact. Happily, I ended up enjoying my work at YourTango so much that the commute didn’t seem so bad. Plus, I loved the people I was working with.

Still, it eventually began to wear me out. It ate up my time. It was expensive. And, after almost a year of doing it, I began to resent it.

So at the tail end of September, I requested a new, remote working arrangement and, several weeks later, they approved it. Now, I work with my three cats laying in a semicircle around me. I sleep in a little bit more. I dabble in yoga and take daily walks. I have extra time to work on my other projects and extra time to make plans with… well… other human beings. Once again, I feel like I’ve achieved a healthy balance.

Maybe some of you are a little bit like me. Maybe you have full-time jobs, and squeeze in your freelance work in the evenings and on weekends. Or perhaps, like me, you have a part-time gig, and have to commute in to an office. Maybe you often think to yourself, man, I could totally do this job from home, and it would totally free up some extra time for my personal projects! But you’re afraid to ask permission.

How do you go about proposing such a fan-flippin’-tastic work arrangement to your big-time scary boss?*

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Reason To Write: To Make a Difference


Alisa Bowman

Alisa Bowman, my blogging BFF.

The other week, I wrote the kick-off post in a new Freelancedom series — Reason To Write. It was a post about how writing had provided me with the opportunity to experience new things, and discover new passions… like recreational cooking (I’m too much of a disaster in the kitchen to actually call myself an amateur cook, or a foodie). I invited readers to share their own stories.My first guest blogger in the series is the fabulous Alisa Bowman, a laugh-out-loud funny blogger, and the author of the forthcoming Project: Happily Ever After (SUCH a good read!). Her reason to write? Well… read on…

Many years ago, as a newspaper reporter, I wrote because I wanted to make the world a better place. Then, three years into the job, I found myself standing across the street from the house of a woman who had just lost all three of her children. Her ex-husband had shot them all in the head and then set them on fire. Then he’d shot himself.

I was supposed to knock on her door, ask her how she felt and see if she might lend me some photos of her children.

I felt like a slimeball.

I’d just covered a murder like this the week before — and another one the week before that. In the state of Delaware, fathers killing their children had become a “trend,” one that had gained national media attention. News vans and reporters lined the street. This grieving mother could not leave her house without someone sticking a microphone or a camera in her face.

They all wanted a comment from her about how she felt.

I already knew how she felt. She felt like she wanted to die. She felt like she was about to throw up. She felt worse than she’d ever felt in her life.

I didn’t need to ask her how she felt to know that.

I stared at this woman’s front door. I took a deep breath. I let it out with a sigh. I wiped a tear from my cheek. I looked at the other reporters. I sighed again. I got back into my car. I drove to a florist. I sent her flowers.

And then I started combing the want ads.

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How To Build Your Network Without Having a Panic Attack

That time you saw me at that thing? I was screaming on the inside.

There are sooo many things that terrify me about networking events. I agonize over the best way to approach people, and then wuss out and don’t approach anyone. I assume that, when people see me cowering in the corner alone, they instantly know I’m lame. I worry that my obvious social awkwardness is turning off anyone I happen to be speaking with. I berate myself for being so completely boring.

I’m an introvert. Extended social interactions exhaust me and, after awhile, I hit a wall. I also have social anxiety. Drinking helps. My shrink has suggested pot. My Xanax just puts me to sleep.

But as I mentioned yesterday, taking networking from online to in-the-flesh is SO. IMPORTANT. It can solidify a relationship that you’ve developed online, or lead to new, promising connections. Also? Despite the fact that y’all terrify me so damn much, I love meeting new people and forging new connections. It’s just so gratifying to connect with someone who shares my interests… who can act as a sounding board… who I can swap tips and war stories with. And maintaining those relationships can be key in moving a career forward. Remember my post on bringing in new projects without lifting a finger? The bulk of the work that comes to me nowadays is thanks to people I’ve worked with in the past, or people I BS with on Twitter, or people I’ve met at this or that networking event, thanks to several large glasses of wine.

I want you guys to have that, too.

I’ve been reading Networking for People Who Hate Networking, and the book mentions several times that introverts benefit the most from events that combine structure and open time. Which is pretty darn great, because Marian Schembari and I have been masterminding an absolutely EPIC event.

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Networking For People Who Hate Networking: Network Roulette

A few months ago, I read a piece over at Lemondrop on IRL Syndrome, and immediately diagnosed myself as a victim of the disability.

As I read through the piece, I nodded with dawning recognition at passages like these:

“When I email a gal, I’m imbued with all these crazy powers. Confidence! Wit! Charm! On my Powerbook or my iPhone, I’m George Clooney at a cocktail party. On a date, without my assorted Apple products, I become … the Mac guy.”

I knew of what he wrote. Because, you see, I’m better in writing, too.

It makes the prospect of building my professional network somewhat daunting. And while being an introvert doesn’t necessarily have to be a liability (as I’m coming to learn from reading books like Networking for People Who Hate Networking), social interactions don’t only drain me of energy. They also terrify me. Which means I have to ease myself in slowly.

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Reason To Write: It Got Me Cooking


line of casseroles

I ate all of these.

Last month, I wrote about how my writing had forced me out of my comfort zone, leading me to make my own wine, tour 34 wineries, and even battle my extreme social anxiety in order to give a live reading during NYC’s annual Lit Crawl.

You guys responded with some pretty fabulous stories yourselves. Susan Johnston of The Urban Muse mentioned that she had done a few Mortified readings (so cool!), and Natalia M. Sylvester of Inky Clean wrote of the time she had gone to a bee farm to watch how honey is made (I find this absolutely terrifying).

I love stories like these. Because, while the number one reason I write is to connect with others, the number two reason I write is to give myself an excuse (or an opportunity) to try new things.

And because this is such a huge part of the freelance lifestyle (and of freelancedom, if you will), I’d like to share these stories more often, and hear more of yours.

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Has the Editing Process Crushed Your Soul?

red pen

Okay. I really used Tracked Changes.

In most of the editing I do at YourTango, I try to have an extremely light touch. I feel that I don’t have the right to rip apart a writer’s words, even if I would have said something in a different way.

In other cases (and not too often), I find myself cutting and slashing and rearranging and even sometimes rewriting, and it makes me feel so uneasy. Even if it needs it.

I’ve been working on an essay I assigned for the site. I did a lot of cutting and slashing and rearranging and sometimes even some rewriting. I went back and forth with the writer several times. Look this over, I told her. I want to make sure I haven’t misrepresented you or the research. I want to ensure that I haven’t lost your voice.

She made comments and made suggestions, and admitted that she didn’t have much experience being edited.

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Clients Not Respecting Your Time? Sorry. That’s Your Fault


couple arguing over overtime

A dramatic reenactment of my marriage, by a woman way cuter than me, and a man not nearly as cute as my husband.

My husband and I are incredibly different people. I’m an antisocial introvert; he’s a social butterfly. I love fresh eggplant and tomatoes; he loves Slim Jims and energy drinks. I love cheesy dance music; he loves slacker rock. One thing we do have in common? We’re both ambitious workaholics.

What this means is that we often put our work before our relationship, and that’s a dangerous thing. I’m always working through the weekend, loath to do dinner with his family or go on day-long outings. I have a neverending to-do list, and leaving work behind for an exercise class or friendly happy hour makes me anxious. I also hate low-key, “relaxing” vacations. If I’m not doing something action-packed or hands-on, I’d rather be spending my time being productive.

Michael, meanwhile, is one of those insufferably rude smartphone addicts. He checks his e-mail and answers texts and phone calls when we’re out to dinner together… when we’re watching TV together… when we have company over. He lets both his employer and his clients walk all over him, responding to messages immediately, and working in his off hours (without additional pay). One time, while on a weekend trip in celebration of our three-year anniversary, he popped open his laptop and started doing some work for his full-time employer. Despite the fact that he had taken a vacation day. Despite the fact that he was supposed to be celebrating with me. I was livid.

Because — while I do find it difficult to step away — I force myself to do it way more than he does, for the sake of our relationship, and for the sake of my sanity. I don’t want to be perpetually connected. I don’t want to be held captive by my clients’ every whim (though I do all that I can to take care of them during my working hours). I want a healthy work/life balance, and I want my family to come first.

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