Looking for Fulfillment? Don’t Hold Out for Perfect

For the past seven years, I’ve had a love affair with the self-help genre. I’ve devoured books like Only French Women Get Fat and The Flex Diet looking for solutions to my body hate. I’ve gobbled up books like Introvert Power looking for validation. I’ve read and re-read books like Naked, Drunk, and Writing and The Boss of You, chasing career success. I’ve turned to cliche classics like Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff in order to manage my mood.

There’s a lot of hate out there for self-help books, from people saying they provide false promises and lead readers to fruitlessly pursue perfection. And while I don’t look at these books as the answer to my everything, instead opting to apply what resonates with me and leave the rest, there’s definitely truth to the fact that people have a hard time being happy unless they feel they’ve achieved it all.

The other week, J. Maureen Henderson of Generation Meh wrote something on Salon that resonated with me. She described happiness as a jigsaw puzzle we could only lay claim to “once we’d carefully laid all of the pieces — careers, relationships, sense of self — into their rightful place.”

It was something that rang true.

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The LinkedIn Lowdown: How To Pump Up Your Social Media Campaign

I'm quoted in here, yo.

I create content for online magazines. I blog here at Freelancedom. I spend way too much time on Twitter. I get all my news from whatever I happen to be subscribed to in Google Reader. I spend my days seated in front of this laptop and, when my phone rings, I get confused. Why didn’t they just text or email? I wonder. (God I’m a recluse.)

My husband, meanwhile, works full-time for SocialFlow, a social media startup that optimizes tweets. He has a web development business on the side. He’s always glued to his Droid, and he uses Foursquare even when we’re at the goddamn recycling center.

His best friend says we’re “so Web 2.0.”

Yet I avoid Facebook. I’m not as active on LinkedIn as I should be. And when Google+ launched, I wanted to flee the country (or at least my inbox). Am I missing marketing opportunities?

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Spill It: Are You Working Through the Long Weekend?

Michael and I were supposed to travel up to Vermont this weekend for an incredible Labor Day Food, Wine, & Rejuvenation retreat. There were going to be daily fitness classes. Kayaking. A field trip to the Green Mountain Sugar Shack. Hot tubbing. A fire pit. A folk and blues festival. Food and wine pairings. Lots of other things. OH MY GOD IT WAS GOING TO BE INCREDIBLE.

Then, Hurricane Irene happened, and Vermont was hit pretty damn hard. The retreat, understandably, was canceled.

My yoga instructor told me I have to find a fun replacement for those canceled plans.

But here’s the thing.

Most of the time, I’d rather be working than doing anything else. [Read more…]

How To Increase Your Chances of Landing That Book Deal

While it may seem that my life revolves around short-form magazine pieces about vibrators and low libido, what some of you may not know is that — once upon a time — I worked full-time for a book publisher, weeding through book proposals, drawing up author contracts, and developing marketing/publicity plans.

And so, while I’ve not yet courted traditional authorship myself, I do sometimes help clients with book proposal preparation and lit agent research.

In fact, as I’ve learned from working on several ebooks for Good in Bed, it’s a pretty short leap from being a short-form freelance writer to putting together an entire book. Which is why I thought some of you might be interested in 77 Reasons Why Your Book Was Rejected {and how to be sure it won’t happen again!}.

Because perhaps you have a book in you, too?

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You Need To Wear Many Hats… But You Shouldn’t Wear Them All

You can't wear ALL the hats. You'll just look silly.

Last month, I wrote a piece on spec for a new online startup. I wouldn’t typically do such a thing, but I was excited about the forthcoming website, and the project was backed by several companies I admired.

When the piece was killed, I was disappointed, but the editor I was in contact with assured me it had nothing to do with me. She told me that her and her superiors liked my writing style, and wanted to give me another assignment. Despite misgivings, I went ahead with it, working my ass off to get the piece done before deadline.

Then, the second piece was killed. We like your writing, the editor wrote to me, but the two posts you’ve written for us fail to demonstrate an understanding of what people are interested in or intrigued by.

Lemme tell you. That email really ruined my day.

Yes, I was angry at myself for doing work on spec. Twice. But I was more upset because I felt insulted by the implication that I didn’t know what people wanted to read… and I was the target audience!

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How To Rock Your Business When You’re On the Move

Why yes, this IS the sexy Colin Wright.

I daydream a lot about leaving the area where I’ve been living for the past 31 years. I think of going back to Graz, Austria, for an extended stay. I beg my husband to consider moving up to Boston. When he shoots down that idea, I suggest relocating just a couple hours away to a charming small town in Central Jersey.

“I’ve lived here my whole life!” I tell him. “I want to live somewhere because I chose it for myself… not because I happened to be born there!”

Unfortunately, Michael has a full-time office job in NYC, so we have to stay put. At least for the moment. Which is why I have to live vicariously through the life experiences those like fellow YEC member Colin Wright, who runs his own branding studio while traveling the world. In fact, he travels to a new country every four months.

After reading his latest ebook, My Exile Lifestyle, it occurred to me that Colin might have a lot of wisdom to impart to you guys, on entrepreneurship, maintaining professional networks, and living location independent.

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Inch By Inch: How Small Steps Lead To Big Success

Earlier this week, I joined a yoga studio just two minutes from my condo, and started trying out different classes. I had been using Shiva Rea and Rodney Yee DVDs at home, but I wanted to mix things up, and I wanted someone who could tell me when my elbows were pointed in the wrong direction, and who could correct my stance. I wanted someone who could adjust my pose the one iota it needed to be perfect. I wanted to achieve yoga success.

Yesterday afternoon, the instructor had us do headstands. When I admitted I hadn’t done one since I was a toddler, he rubbed his hands together with glee and had me move my yoga mat up against the wall. Then, he walked me through the setup for the position and watched as I struggled to get my legs up above my head.

“Just one more inch,” he said as I flailed about. After a few moments, I let out a surprised “Oh!” as my feet touched the wall.

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Need New Material? Try Living Your Life

About two and a half years ago, I blogged about feeling limited by the sex writing niche I’d found myself in. Since then, I’ve been an editor at a web magazine featuring content on love and sex, I’ve had my own sex column, I’ve co-written an ebook with Ian Kerner on spicing up your sex life, I’ve been interviewed as an expert on vibrators, and more. When all is said and done, I suppose the sex writing thing has been good to me.

Still, it’s tough to continue getting mileage out of that first sex party I attended five years ago, or that one time I posed nude for a portraitist. Plus, even sex gets boring!

Which is why, in this month’s edition of Word Nerd News, I urged readers to get the hell out of the house and live a little.

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Freelancedom Book Club Discussion: The Wealthy Freelancer

Now that we’re back to business as usual here at Freelancedom, it’s time to focus on the important stuff: Taking our businesses to the next level. Elevating them beyond mere hobbies so that they’re legitimate sources of income. Becoming wealthy freelancers, no matter what wealth means to you.

I had seen lots of online love for Steve Slaunwhite, Pete Savage, and Ed Gandia’s The Wealthy Freelancer before I broke down and picked up my own copy. Why did I wait so long? Being a raging book nerd, with a particular love for self-help-y career titles, I had started to feel as if none of the books I was reading had anything new to say.

The Wealthy Freelancer exceeded my expectations by… well… a lot. As I mentioned in a related post, the book is so much more than inspirational mumbo jumbo. Rather, it contains concrete tips and step-by-step instructions for making it work.

I’m curious to hear if you loved it as much as I did, and whether or not it had anything new to teach you. Just as with last time, I’d love for you to share your thoughts in the comments section of this post, in addition to your responses to the following questions:

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PSA: Steph Auteri Gets Around

It’s been a crazy couple of months. I (ghost)wrote an ebook in six weeks, and am just now wrapping up editing. During that time, I haven’t done much else. (Though I did see a train wreck of a Debbie Gibson / Tiffany concert that was definitely something… special.) Now, I’m heading up to a B+B in Portsmouth, New Hampshire for a wedding / long weekend. Brewery-hopping and kayaking may occur.

We’ll be back to business as usual upon my return — which includes the long-awaited book club post on The Wealthy Freelancer and the latest edition of Word Nerd News — but, before that happens, I wanted to leave you with a roundup of where I’ve been around the web.

Because, well, it seems I accomplished something other than this monster ebook project.

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