Spill It: Are You a Terrible Self-Starter?

May 4, 2012 by 3 Comments

Last week, I headed over to my local library to sit in on a meeting of the Toastmasters Club. When we went around the room to introduce ourselves, I admitted that I was on a panel at a major conference that coming weekend, that public speaking terrified me, and that I was hoping to pick up some pointers.

So when it came time for impromptu, two-minute presentations, the master of ceremonies (the Toast Master?) asked me to take the first shot and talk about the presentation I was preparing for.

Fantastic.

I got up there and babbled incoherently for just under two minutes about ASJA, sex writing, the book I was working on, and promotional plans. It wasn’t terrible. But it was definitely unfocused, and I was obviously nervous.

(A few presentations later, a guy with fantastic biceps opened up his presentation by saying that my presentation was his favorite. But I’m pretty sure it’s because no one expects to come to the public library, attend a Toastmasters Club meeting, and hear somebody talk about sex.)

ANYway. At the end of the meeting, I received some more constructive feedback from the person tasked with analyzing each mini-speech, and one thing he said stuck out to me. “People tend to use filler words (stuff like uh and um) in the same way they clear their throat,” he said. “You feel unprepared, so you fill in those words while you gather your thoughts.”

It struck me then that my tendency toward extreme procrastination is much the same thing. [Read more…]

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How It Feels to Write a Book Your Family Will Never Read

March 23, 2012 by 2 Comments

With my maiden name! Damn, that's retro.

Since I announced my authorial intent at the age of 5, my mom has joked that my first book will be dedicated to her.

“To my mother, who has always supported me,” she says dramatically, her hand making a little flourish in the air. I roll my eyes, but she’s right. She has always supported me, even when she wasn’t completely on board with the work I was doing.

My first, bylined magazine piece, for example. It was for Playgirl magazine, and was a travel piece on sex parties around the world. It was accompanied by a tiny caricature of my headshot, plus a full-color drawing of a wild orgy. My mother made copies and passed them out to friends, family, and co-workers. Who does that!? A mom, I guess.

Still, as I write my first book, I try to imagine what that dedication page will look like (without yet even having a book contract, mind you), and can only come up with something like this: Dedicated to my mother, who still holds out hope that this sex writing thing is just a phase. [Read more…]

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How an Author Can Be Her Own Own Best Publicist

March 20, 2012 by 9 Comments

Blogging buddy and author Brette Sember has about 40 titles to her name at this point, a number that often serves to make me feel like a lazy-ass bum. Like, what have I been doing all these years!? Her output has been so extensive that her published books fill one and a half shelves on her office bookcase.

She published her first book when she was home on maternity leave from her law practice in 1998. A publisher called and asked if she was interested in writing a book about how to file for divorce in New York. She never looked back. Now, she’s spending time promoting her latest book — The Muffin Tin Cookbook, due out in April — and she’s finding the publicity process wildly different from what it was just 14 years ago. Lucky for us, she’s willing to share what it’s like to be your own best publicist. [Read more…]

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How To Find The Literary Agent of Your Dreams

February 24, 2012 by 1 Comment

(image via the talented Justin Lowery)

Back in November, I shared with you the checklist I used to put together my own book proposal. It contained all the building blocks I’d become familiar with when working as an editorial assistant for an academic book publisher, plus a few other tips I’d picked up over the years from former writing professors and how-to books.

I can only assume that, by this point, you have an amazing, solid book proposal ready to go, and are already daydreaming about the book advance and lit parties in your future. Not so fast. While academic publishers — and some small presses — accept unsolicited book proposals and manuscripts, most traditional book publishers won’t look at your work unless it comes to them via a literary agent.

I can hear you grumbling already. What the what!? Another barrier to publication? But believe me. You’ll only benefit from the help an agent can provide. Not only are they the gatekeepers to big-name publishers, but they have their fingers on the pulse of the literary marketplace, can help you strengthen your proposal, have relationships with editors (and intimate knowledge of their preferences) that allow them to target the best possible publishers for your book, and can also negotiate a helluva book contract (a process during which many of us would be completely out of our element).

Yes please to all of that.

So how do you go about finding one? [Read more…]

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Been Writing for Years? You Still Have A Lot to Learn

February 3, 2012 by 11 Comments

Many of you already know my writing history.

Awful poetry at the age of 5.

A part-time gig at a weekly newspaper at the age of 19.

Writing sex toy reviews by the age of 22.

And now, at the age of 31, I’ve created content for online magazines, alternative newspapers, both regional and national print magazines, and a slew of blogs.

Not too shabby.

What I’ve always wanted, however, is to write a book. A book that garners interest from traditional publishers, and that eventually ends up on the shelf at Barnes & Noble or McNally Jackson or the Trident Bookstore/Cafe.

Up until recently, however, I didn’t do a damn thing about it. [Read more…]

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One Simple Trick for Effective Self-Editing

January 11, 2012 by 5 Comments

On Monday, instead of getting a damn thing done, I took a bus into the city and headed downtown to (Le) Poisson Rouge, where Mike Geffner was hosting Titillating Tongues: NYC Erotica in Poetry & Prose. My favorite, sex-positive feminist was reading, and I was also excited to catch my very first glimpse of Rev Jen, a writer, performance artist, and elf I’d first become aware of when she was writing the old-school “I Did It For Science” column on Nerve.

Before we could bask in the awesome glow of the featured readers, however, there was an open mic.

I didn’t read, because I don’t write erotica (I just enjoy it recreationally, and ghostwrite essays that accompany erotica), but I enjoyed the mix of people who did have the balls to get up there (including my friend Claire, who had made a resolution to read, perform, and tell stories in a public setting).

And as I sat there and listened — impressed by how successful writing was about so much more than just the words — it occurred to me:

We should poetry slam all our writing before considering it Good. [Read more…]

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Spill It: How Do You Handle Rejection as a Writer?

December 1, 2011 by 5 Comments

I learned early on that — when it came to freelance writing — it was important to bounce back quickly from rejection, keep up the momentum, and flip that pitch.

Because of that early lesson, I’ve never felt too much anxiety when pressing “send” on my query letters and, upon receiving rejections, I’ve typically only felt the barest twinge of disappointment before turning to the next publication on my pitch list. After all, rejection is a reality of the freelance writing life, and not everyone is going to fall all over themselves to publish my work. In fact, despite my being a total genius (obvs), I’m pretty sure at least some of my ideas have been pretty weak.

So my mental reaction when I received my first-ever rejections from my first-ever literary agent queries sort of caught me by surprise. [Read more…]

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Don’t Forget To Thank Your Writing Partner

November 24, 2011 by 1 Comment

Earlier this week, I sent query letters out to four literary agents. This was a big step for me. I’d been dreaming of becoming a published author since the age of 5 and, since then, I’d done absolutely nothing to make it happen. Now I have a book proposal — polished and ready to go — and four query letters out the door.

In fact, within 15 minutes, one of the agents responded to me, asking to see my full proposal. I thought I was going to pass out from excitement, but I pulled it together long enough to send him what I had. He responded almost immediately, saying he would try to get back to me either way by the end of the week.

This very well might mean I’m about to get the quickest rejection ever (well, okay… not ever) but, nevertheless, I’m ecstatic. I’m closer than I’ve ever been to making this happen.

And I never would have done it if I wasn’t being held accountable by my writing partner. [Read more…]

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How Choosing the More Difficult Path Leads to Awesomeness (and a Cuter Butt)

November 18, 2011 by 2 Comments

The other day, I was the only student to show up for lunchtime yoga. “You have three options,” my instructor told me. “A. We can do a restorative yoga class. B. I can kick your ass with a really intense class. C. We can blow this joint and go out for drinks.”

I stood there, waffling between all three. An hour of restorative yoga would pretty much be an easy-peasy, introspective afternoon nap. Going out for drinks would be fun. And I’d been wanting to pick my instructor’s brain about his experiences within the teacher training program.

In the end, though, I chose option B. I felt I needed it, especially after my rough day at the lab, trying unsuccessfully to get blood drawn so I could take the next step in trying to get pregnant. That and I’d been feeling a little fat. So we got down on our mats and we sweated it out. [Read more…]

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Selling Your First Book: A Checklist of Book Proposal Essentials

November 16, 2011 by Leave a Comment

I’ve been a woman on a mission lately. In between assigned blog posts and essays, coaching calls, and yoga classes, I’ve been slowly pulling together a book proposal with the aim of sending it out to a handful of agents by the end of November.

So why would I take time away from everything else in order to focus on another large project… one that may very well come to nothing?

1. I love adding new things to the mix.

2. After ghostwriting and collaborating on ebooks for other clients, I really want to have something of my own out there. Heck, I’ve dreamed of being an author since the age of 5.

Luckily, I’ve worked in book publishing before, where one of my responsibilities was weeding through book proposals and sending them around for review. So I know a thing or two about what goes into a proposal. I also picked up some additional tips from this nifty book I read, and from Susan Shapiro, who regularly runs book publishing panels.

But maybe you’ve never seen a book proposal before. Maybe your book is still just a germ of an idea in your head, and you’re completely clueless about where to start. For all the book publishing newbies out there, here’s the book proposal checklist I use with clients, and which I also used to put my own proposal together: [Read more…]

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